Friday, December 4, 2015

VG Diaries: Skyrim Memories pt. 1, Army of Ulfric

I've recently taken to playing TESV: Skyrim again. It's probably something about the season--not long ago was November 11th, which was the game's fourth anniversary. Shane's gotten into it, too; he had the game, but hadn't invested any time into playing it beyond getting out of Helgen keep. Now, we've both modded up the graphics and tweaked it to our liking, and loaded up with all of the DLCs that we were missing. (He sent Dragonborn to me with a gift message in steam reading Fus Ro MUAH!) ... I love my life.

A magical shot of aurora/revontulet from Skyrim.

Anyway, getting into it has brought back all of the good and bad memories from the first year of its release.  I decided I would share a few of the good stories from my various encounters, the kind of stuff that not everybody necessarily encounters (so not 'the first time I entered Markarth' or 'that time I found an old orc by the side of the road.') This is the absolute essential 'first story' that I had to share... The day fifty Ulfrics killed a dragon.

So we all know Ulfric Stormcloak. That iconic voice, that regal get up and dramatic storyline and all of that. If you didn't go to Windhelm or do either side of the civil war etc. then you will still at least know him from the beginning sequence in Helgen as the dude that was gagged. Anyway, my cousin was over and we were really playing with the console codes for the first time. We did the whole 'summon 100+ dragons outside of Whiterun' kind of stuff to see what my computer could handle and bring about the apocalypse. Thankfully I kept a few pictures from that... look at that evil bastard in the background.

But after that, we ran up to the top of the mountain east of the city where the word wall and dragon priest rests. For SOME reason, divines only know, we entered the snowy clearing and decided 'hey, let's summon Ulfric.'  So yeah, there's an Ulfric standing on this random ass mountain top in the snow. It wasn't interesting enough, apparently, because we summoned like fifty more Ulfrics to join him. As they're all looking around and telling our player 'yes?' over and over again, the dragon, who was in a sleepy stupor over on the word wall, decides the stench of human is too strong and must be annihilated.

Then the most glorious, thunderous moments of skyrim audio history happened. Did I get a picture of it? No. I didn't get a video either, and I am so, so sorry that I didn't, because it was amazing. The dragon begins its death spiral above, roaring and swirling in a circle, and fifty Ulfrics craned their heads up and, standing loose and casual with no weapons drawn, all let forth a mighty 'FUS RO DAH.'

No clue what it looked like when it hit the dragon. We were laughing our asses off. I still laugh my ass off trying to tell this story to anyone who will listen. It totally did piss off the dragon though, who landed and enraged the Ulfric Army.

Predictably enough with all the racket going down, the dragon priest knocked off the lid of his coffin and joined the fray. Hell no, I wasn't going to lift a finger to help... They downed the dragon, I took its soul, and off to the races they went, charging perilously the tattered lich on the mountainside.

I'm pretty sure they blew him off the face of the mountain.

When the battle was done, they all wandered about, chillin' like this sort of affair goes down on the daily.

We rounded out this misadventure with a tribute to the gods, spawning and killing Nazeem. It's for good measure...  come on he's the adoring fan of this game. We buried him in the snow like a cat covers its poop and made off into the sunset. (And by that I mean he spawned half in the ground so we ran with it.)


We summoned Byrnjolf too, apparently...

Anyway, thanks for listening to one of my favorite Skyrim stories of all time. Next time, I'll indulge you in my tumultuous marriage to Farengar--yes, Farengar, Balgruuf's court wizard from Whiterun. I know, I know, what could possibly go wrong with that.

Until next time, keep calm, game on, all that.

And please, I encourage you!! Share some of your favorite Skyrim (or even other games in the elder scrolls series) stories! I'm dying to hear them!!!

~~~~ M. D. Hammond ~~~~

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